If you are like me, you grew up eating a combination of leftovers and fast food, and the idea of a "good meal" probably consists of something you don't have to cook. Last year, as I was staring once again into a too-empty fridge with a too-small budget wondering how in the world I was going to stop my stomach from rumbling, I looked up and noticed a carton of eggs.
I like to think of that particular moment as the decisive fork in my road of ingestion (not indigestion - we'll get to that later). Looking at that carton of eggs, I was staring down the throat of the decision so many of us make unconsciously every day: Do I suck it up, scramble those eggs, and enjoy a "home cooked" meal? Or do I just hop in the car and take the five dollars in my bank account to the place that starts with an "M" and ends with "acDonalds"?
Cutlery Corner
Ignorance not Hate
Most of us who hate to cook really just don't know how to cook. For years, my mantra was, "I just don't like to cook for myself, because then I have to cook and clean and it's just not worth the hassle." I always thought cooking meant hauling out a broiler or a crock pot and spending an hour on preparation, another hour on the actually cooking, and then ten minutes eating in front of my computer or TV.
I lived on frozen dinners and frozen pizzas and frozen fruit and frozen...you get the picture. And if I was really feeling like treating myself to something special, I would go to one of those places that have mascots that stand on the street corner and waves at cars as they go by. (You know the kind of places I'm talking about.) I held the spatula at about the same level of esteem as my sweet kitty cat's litter scooper.
Women like Julia Child did housewives of the 1950's an enormous favor, but for women of the new millennium, particularly single women of the new millennium, she very sweetly took out a pearl-handled single-round shooter, aimed it at the foot of the American woman, and pulled the trigger.
I say, "Enough already!"
Let's face it, the housewife of the 1950's is an extinct creature, or else she's bundled up in a retirement home somewhere enjoying the hot bodies of male nurses named Chuck and Albert who bring her dinner every evening.
So get that idea out of your head. Stop thinking of petticoats and pearls when you envision cooking dinner, or even breakfast. Stop thinking, "I can't cook," or "I hate to cook," or "It's not worth it to cook," and simply repeat these three words after me:
I love food. Say it again. And again. I'm confident that you don't really believe that "M" place has real food. It's processed up and down and out the backside, and do you really want to be eating it in the first place? Of course not. Maybe once a week you think of a Mc-something with sprinkles or hot fudge or a load of ketchup and go, "MMM." But even two days in a row makes me want to gag, and I bet it does you too.
Essentials
So what do you need, girls (and guys), to actually make yourself something you want to eat that smells absolutely fabulous and tastes even better? Five things:
Tea kettle Frying pan Pot with lid Cookie sheet George Foreman grill
I firmly maintain you can make anything worth making with these five items. And yes, you actually need a George Foreman, and I'll tell you why: Snow. Nobody wants to bundle up and put on boots just to go outside and try and start charcoal or gas on fire and flip their meat over every few minutes. It's just not fun. George lets you grill anything you like in the warm comfort of your kitchen.
You also want:
A whisk At least one mixing bowl Some good spatulas (preferably in a few different shapes, since some are better than others for scooping different kinds of things out of pans) Mixing and serving spoons Good knives A cutting board - preferably not wooden
Yes, you really do want a cutting board. It will protect your expensive counters (or your cheap laminate counters) and it is way easier to just stick a non-wooden cutting board into the dishwasher than try and scrub blueberry stains off your counter.
So you're probably asking, "But what about a blender and a mixer and a toaster and a broiler and...and...and...!?"
If Julia Childs didn't need them, sweetie, we sure as heck don't. I don't actually own any of those things. Nope. Not even a toaster. And I have toast about three times a week.
Now, am I going to look down my nose at you if you use a toaster? Of course not! Kudos to you for getting up off your backside and buying one, but only if you actually use the sucker, and I don't mean for Pop-Things. (That's not real food either, ladies and gentlemen.)
If you want to get really wild with your mad simple cooking skills, you can add to your kitchen my wish list:
Toaster Coffee pot (which I actually have) Omelet pan Sauce pan with lid Cake pan/Lasagna pan Crock pot
Now I've given you three huge lists of stuff you might want, but in the immortal words of Douglas Adams, Don't Panic! Let me reiterate: I firmly maintain that you can make anything worth making with that list of five little items.
You probably noticed this is the end of this article, and you're going, "Wait! This is supposed to tell me how to eat well when I hate to cook. Where are the darned recipes?" Don't worry! I'm posting another article right now will get you started on the track toward easy-to-make real food.
Cheers!
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